Alone
by LoganSpeaksOut
Summary: Phil has never felt so alone before in his life. Now that Dan left him, he tries to cope with living without his best friend and flatmate. Based off the song If You Ever Come Back by The Script.


"Dan? Are you here?" I ask as I walk into our shared flat.

"The little voice in the back of my head tells me that you won't come back, you can't come back, but I refuse to believe that. Your train is only delayed, and you are just waiting for it so you can get back to me.

Everything is exactly the way you left it earlier. You don't need to worry about me messing up your system of organizing our games with Sonic at the top and all of our other favorites in order below it. I haven't played any of them since you left, though. It just isn't nearly as fun without you, so come home soon.

I've gotten much better at cooking in your absence. You'll have to visit and see. Your place across from me is always set when I eat, ready for you to fill it when you get back from Uni. Promise me that you will come sooner than later. I've missed our informal dinners. Those were the best.

Before you left that morning, I knew you lied when you said everything was fine between us. I thought that you were over our previous argument, but I guess that I'll never know now. I wish you had left on better terms with me. Maybe then I wouldn't regret everything as much.

I wish for a lot of things, Dan, if you hadn't realized that. The sad thing is that none of them ever come true. I wish for you to come back, but that hasn't happened now, has it? I even wish we could have one of our petty fights, as much as they made me miserable to disagree with you. Here, I'll start one now! Dan, Sonic is the worst game ever made!

…

Okay, I know that isn't true at all. Can you just talk to me, though? Anything? Please, for the love of llamas, lions, and fun socks!

I hope you won't get mad at me, but I've started to sleep in your old room. I haven't moved your shoe pile in the corner or your amber lamp because they remind me of you. I miss you more than you will ever know, unless you can see me from wherever you are now. You are- were my best friend in the entire world. Chris and PJ try to replace you, but they can't even come close, as great of friends they are.

You remember them, don't you? Crabstickz and KickthePj? Together we were the fantastic foursome, wreaking absolute havoc wherever we went. Do you remember the Italy trip? That was so much fun, just hanging out, not having to worry about life. I miss those days.

Well, if you ever come back then the door is on the latch, I've left a light on, and the key is where you left it last. I'm making your favorite tea, and it will be exactly like you never left. It's going to be great! That's why you should come back soon, alright?

Chris and PJ say that you're never coming back, that I'm wasting my time, but you know how they always get their stories and facts mixed up. I know you're coming back to get me because I'm your best friend! That's why I leave my door open for you. They always shut it saying that I'm going to be robbed if I keep it like that. I don't mind, if it means that you get to come home now. Please come back.

I hope that wherever you are, you are alright. Not in pain, but finally happy. Do you think that you can come back sometime, just let me know that I'm not truly alone? I wonder if you ever think of me while you're there. God knows I always remember you here. The other lads miss you too, but not nearly as much as I do. Don't forget us, all the good memories.

Do you remember that time we fought over whether or not we would actually use the breakfast bar? I said we would, and we did! I actually won that little one, but I wouldn't mind if you had. After all, it's another good memory of you.

The Super Amazing Project… That was fun, wasn't it. We got to make videos together and investigate paranormal activity at the same time! It was great to feel so official with the News Desk we had. I don't know why it was so awesome, it just… was. Maybe it's because it was something I could do with my best friend. I doubt you felt the same.

You will never believe this, but I, AmazingPhil, haven't made a single video for YouTube since you left. PJ has gone as far as to offer me a permanent guest spot on his channel, but of course I refused. It just has lost its magic without you. Chris has started a segment that he likes to call 'Catch Phil on Camera Whenever I Can.' He literally follows me around with his phone trying to get random bits of footage that he can post to show everyone that I am still alive. I never knew that I had that much of a… a presence on the Internet.

A bunch of other youtubers have made tribute videos to your memory. Even Charlie McDonnell, Alex Day, and Toby Turner have made one! You can at least be proud that you made such an impact on life.

Twitter and Tumblr are places to avoid as well. Everywhere I go, somebody mentions a favorite memory of you, or posts a compilation video of your best moments, or has condolences to offer as I 'go through this difficult time.' Did your best friend just die? I don't think you even have any idea how it feels! Come pity me when you can sympathize with the pain. And to the people telling me how to get over it: screw you! I don't need your 'help,' I don't need your pity! You can go off into your own little world where everything is perfect, just leave me to myself! You do more damage than good!

Danny… I miss you, I need you! Please come back and save me! It will be like you never left, I promise! Just don't leave me here alone…"

* * *

><p>"I have to say that out of everybody in this ward, I pity this guy the most." The doctor says sadly to the new nurse he is showing around the mental hospital.<p>

The girl reads the name on the clipboard on the door in curiosity. "Phil Lester? Why does that name sound so familiar?" She wonders.

"He's that famous guy from YouTube, AmazingPhil. His best friend was the victim in that horrific murder case last year. You know, the one where the injuries made the poor guy resemble a Jack the Ripper victim. His name was Dan Howell, danisnotonfire to the YouTube community. He was only twenty. Now Phil talks to himself in that room, thinking that Dan is there with him. Maybe he knows his best friend is dead, maybe he thinks he is only at Uni, where Daniel was a student at. Nobody really knows, as he just stops talking all together when somebody is in the room. He's in his own little world, one where his best friend is always just out of reach." He explains sadly.

"Doesn't he ever get any visitors, Doctor?" The nurse asks.

"His two friends, PJ and Chris, visit once a week. You'll get to know them well. Just let them into the room and wait outside the door in case they need any assistance. He won't even touch them, but they talk. They try to keep him the happiest he can be, given the circumstances. Those two men are probably the best friends he could have at a time like this. Oh, and Maria?"

"Yes Doctor?"

"If you ever have extra time here, just listen to him, to what he thinks. You will learn many stories, but you will also learn to live your life out as best as you can." He motions to press her ear to the door and to quiet down.

"Come back Dan, please come back… I'm all alone now…" They hear, followed by the broken sobs of a man who has nothing left.


End file.
